A letter to a terminally ill parent

Photo by Mike Scheid on Unsplash

I am sitting typing this on my computer at 11.50pm at night because I couldn’t sleep. My mind is filled with so many things I want to share with you.

I am so sorry that this awful disease is shortening your life.

I’m so sorry that there isn’t a cure yet, If I was a scientist, I would spend every waking hour trying to find one.

I don’t know what it feels like to be you, but I do know (in some degree) what it feels like to be your child. My Dad died when I was five years old from a brain tumour. This life you have now is nothing like you had imagined but you have been given one precious gift and that is time (however long or short they may be).  

I can only imagine you love your children more than life itself and would do anything to make them happy. I understand that depending on the age of your child their understanding of what is happening will be different. Be completely honest with them. Children are way smarter than what we give them credit for.

With this precious time, you have left you have the opportunity to give your children some amazing gifts – these are gifts that will stay with them for life.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

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​Some precious gifts you can leave for your children:

• Sit down with them and tell them about your life, share your funny stories, your adventures, your beautiful moments. Look through old photo albums and show them your friends and places that mean a lot to you (write them down too – your kids will love looking back on these memories). Your child will long for that link to your life, that connection will bring you closer. They will feel like they know you long before they came into your life.

 

• Gift them something from your past – maybe it was your favourite football jumper or the necklace you wore every day. Maybe it was a teddy from your childhood – whatever it is your child will cherish it forever.

 

• Make memories with them – however small or insignificant you think they might be; your child will probably think otherwise. Show them your favourite footy ground, a place you use to work or the school you went to.

 

•  Spend some one-on-one time with them just being in the moment. Take photos when you can.

 

•  Share with them some words of wisdom. Some lessons you have learnt along life’s journey (and be sure to write them down). Think about all the pivotal moments in their life to come and write down what you want them to know. I.e. First Day of School, Highschool, First Job, First Love, Marriage etc. Even though you may not be there will them for those moments I promise you they will still look up to you for advice. They will be thinking ‘What would Dad have done?’, or ‘What would Mum have done?’

 

• Organise to have your handwriting engraved into jewellery or engrave a frame with a special photo of you and your child (chosen by you). Handwrite on something with your name and their name. Your handwriting is special and uniquely yours. Gift it to them now and tell them how special they are.

 

• Create a little video or audio message that can be shared with them later (One for each child if you have a few children).

 

• Tell them everything you love about them and the things that make your relationship so special. (Write these down also)

 
You may be looking at this list and feeling a little overwhelmed. Please don’t be. Call on your family and friends to help you if you need. If you don’t want to do all of them that is totally fine. I am begging you though, please don’t say its all too hard and do nothing. These suggestions above will be treasured beyond measure by your child.

Depending on the age of your child some of these things might not be so relevant now but I promise you as they get older their meaning and power will grow exponentially.

Your life matters. Although you may not be physically with them as they continue to journey through life you will always have a very big piece of their heart and nothing will ever change that.
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Sending out lots of love.

I am thinking of you and your family. Please reach out if I could do anything to help.
 
Shaela x
 
 
 



If you are looking for a journal that allows you to write down many of the ideas listed above, please check out Cherish – A Book About Us (It was created in memory of my Dad, Greg)